You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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