Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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