I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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