I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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