im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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