I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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