I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize