so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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