Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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