i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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