Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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