so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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