Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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