I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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