I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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