I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize