god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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