dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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