I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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