I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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