So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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