i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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