He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So here I am, sexting at work.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize