Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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