yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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