You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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