I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize