I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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