He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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