When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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