who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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