he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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