Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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