we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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