U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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