When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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