Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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