Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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