He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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