woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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