I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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