I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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