Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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