question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize