that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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