he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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