I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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