He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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