She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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