So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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